What To Do WHEN You Sense Conflict Between You & Your Friend

Prayer is a divine invitation to see how Heaven can bring harmony in times of conflict for those humble enough to bow their heads.


If you feel friction between you and your friend, but aren't sure if there’s a strong, compelling enough reason to ask her if something’s wrong, what can you do?

Conventional wisdom and every social media platform will tell you a million things you should do, and to tell you the truth, they're not all bad. In fact, some are actually very helpful! But as Christian, Spirit-led women, we have one place to which we should go first and often.


Before we do anything else.

David said, "Morning, noon, and night I cry out..." (Psalm 55:17)

Paul said to pray about everything (Philippians 4:6) and all the time (1 Thessalonians 5:17).

James asked, "Is anyone among your suffering? Let him pray." (James 5:13)

It seems a pretty obvious thing, but how often do we jump right over it to something a little more "pro-active?"

As believers, however, the most pro-active thing we can do is to pray. There is no greater action we can take that exchanges so much in so little time, and that is what we are after: an exchange of our own perspective for that of Heaven's.

The Call to Prayer

God will often alert us that something is off in our relationships first in our spirits. I’m sure we’ve all felt that nagging, persistent conviction that won’t go away, no matter how much we try to brush it aside.

Once we figure out that we can’t ignore it, the mistake we often make is to text or call the other person before we take the time to discern the real issue.

Premature conversations lead to premature solutions that don’t really solve anything, except maybe to relieve us from the annoyance that we feel. But our goal should never be relief more than it is the restoration of peace. Those two objectives should be very different to the believer.

When the Holy Spirit first invites us to restore peace in our relationships, the first place He will ask us to come is to prayer.

What are we praying about exactly?

How to Pray

Well, first we want God’s thoughts and involvement in our situation. Maybe we simply imagined something was off when it wasn’t. Or, maybe something really is wrong, but we need God’s timing on when to ask our friend about it. Or, maybe God is trying to show us something pertaining to us personally that doesn’t need her participation yet, if at all.

When we stop to pray, we are given the chance to zero in on what Holy Spirit is saying. The reason so many of our friendships get into trouble is that we don’t listen to what He is saying about them before we start trying to fix them. Imagine if your mechanic did that! What if you took your car to be looked at because you noticed it making an odd noise that you couldn't quite describe, and instead of running a diagnostic test, he just started banging away on the carburetor!

That's often what we do in our relationships. We start banging away on every problem it could be before asking God what the problem really is, or if there is one at all.

If you find yourself in a situation where you feel like something is off and you need help discerning what to do about it, try closing your eyes and praying something like this:

Lord, I’m feeling a little unsettled about my relationship with ______________ and wonder if there’s anything You need to show me right now? I pray that any friction or hidden offenses would bubble up to the surface now as You point to them. I pray for peace in her heart and mine at this very moment, and I thank You for bringing this to my attention so that we can all work it out together.

Sit for a minute and allow God to speak to your heart in the way that He does.

Your next step will depend on what He showed you. Does He want you to:
Call her?
Wait because He is still doing something?
Send her a text?
Pray more?

Whatever you do, only do what He tells you to do. Don't jump the gun. If He didn't tell you anything when you asked, that's not a green light to proceed however you want. It is an invitation to persist in prayer.

As Christian women and friends, we must be so intentional about approaching our friendships through the wisdom of prayer. Without it we are common and worldly, but with it, we become something else entirely.

We become true friends... not only with her, but with God.


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Tabatha and Stacey are two best friends who blew-up until God (thankfully!) put them back together. Now they host the Hey, Var! Podcast and co-lead Havar International, a worldwide ministry that commissions women to build biblical friendships so they can carry the weight of their lives together.

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