Tips For The Wise Woman: Why Building is Better Than Balancing

FLAW- To Balance

LAW- To Build

I’m a hard worker, but let me quickly clarify what I mean so that the readers who know me won’t choke on their muffled giggles of objections.

For most of my adult life, I’ve had a very deep, inner longing to work hard at things others might not ascribe much benefit to: peace, flow, an unhurried pace so that I can listen to and see what God is doing, what’s important for me to do in response, and where I’m supposed to be rather than where I’m obligated to be.

What that really means is that I like to be home if God doesn’t need me anywhere else.

If that sounds super-spiritual to you, let me relieve the comparison to also say that I am deeply passionate about empty laundry baskets, fluffed pillows, and naps on the patio, and I will not blame God for those.

Knowing these things, you might understand my joy over recently completing an almost two-year stretch of going back to work full-time. I’m home again, and it has been such a gift to me! I’ve spent time with a kid who needed me a little more than I thought. Groceries are getting bought, projects have been started, and a lost sense of connection to the feeling of home has been re-established, leaving me never wanting to drift again from underneath its gentle umbrella.

I value home and the time spent here, saying hello to neighbors and walking my dogs in the middle of the day. There is a giant red bow of completeness here, and upon this foundation I feel unstoppable.

Tabatha and I have been asked before how we balance home, marriage, family, and friendship. Balance is defined as an even distribution of weight, a state of being equal, an offset of the value of one thing with another. For myself I can only say that there is no balance. I do not “offset” the value of home with the value of friendship or vice versa. Living in a constant state of keeping important people and things evenly distributed for the sake of maintaining balance (whatever that is) seems a pretty stressful and “unbalanced” way to live, if you ask me!

What I do prefer to do, however, is build. One of my favorite set of verses is found in Proverbs 24:3-5, which says:

“Wise people are builders— they build families, businesses, communities. And through intelligence and insight their enterprises are established and endure.”

I don’t balance friendship; I build it—just like I do everything else—from the connection to and stability of HOME.

I could make a list of all of the things I do to make sure my home is functioning well and steady on its support beams, but it looks different for every woman and family. The point is, our homes should be so well-tended that the people and relationships in them are being built strong, things are getting done that need to get done, and there is enough space and time etched into its walls to think beyond the next minute and into the next dream or endeavor.

This leads me to one of the main reasons The Flaws of Friendship exists: we believe that not only does our next dream or endeavor involve Friendship, but it is highly dependent upon it! We don’t balance Friendship any more than we balance our dreams; we build Friendship so that we can build our dreams, and we don’t do either separate from building our HOMES.

Building is a process that can get laborious and frustrating at times, especially when there are slow results and setbacks, but in the end, we are holding God to His Word—that building yields results that balancing never could.

We believe that God has some mighty big assignments that He wants to hand out in this next, epic season of Christian life and Kingdom advancement, but they can't be given out to a people who are barely keeping it together on balance beams. What is coming requires well-poured foundations on which to bear the weight of the commissions, and that solid foundation is HOME.

Would you say that you are balancing or building your HOME? How would it change your perspective if you chose to build rather than balance? What would you need to get rid of? What would you spend more time on?

"'This is what the LORD says: Are you the one to build me a house to dwell in?'"



Join us on Podcast Episode #32 where we’ll discuss ways you can exchange balancing for building so that all your works are established and lasting, from the solid foundation of well-built HOMES and FRIENDSHIPS.


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-The Flaws of Friendship

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